Guy Was Hired On The Spot After Submitting Hilarious McDonald"s Application

Here is an actual application submitted to a McDonald’s. Management hired him right on the spot. 

Name

Name: Jeremy Skitt

Sex

Sex: Not yet but I’m waiting for the right person.

Desired Position

Desired Position: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

Desired Salary

Desired Salary: $185, 000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

Education

Education: Yes.

Last Position help:

Last Position help: Target for middle management hostility.

Salary

Salary: Less than I’m worth.

Most Notable Achievement

Most Notable Achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

Reason For Leaving:

Reason For Leaving: It sucked.

Hours Available To Work:

Hours Available To Work: Any.

Preferred Hours:

Preferred Hours: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

Do You Have Any Special Skills?:

Do You Have Any Special Skills?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

May We Contact Your Current Employer?:

May We Contact Your Current Employer?: If I had one, would I be here?

Have You Ever Been Convicted Of A Felony?:

Have You Ever Been Convicted Of A Felony?: Is “felony” sex with a cat? Because if it is….no.

Do You Have Any Physical Conditions That Would Prohibit You From Lifting Up To 50lbs?:

Do You Have Any Physical Conditions That Would Prohibit You From Lifting Up To 50lbs?: Of what?

Do You Have A Car?:

Do You Have A Car?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “do you have a car that runs?”

Have You Received Any Special Awards Or Recognition?:

Have You Received Any Special Awards Or Recognition?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. 

Do You Smoke?:

Do You Smoke?: Only when set on fire.

What Would You Like To Be Doing In Five Years?:

What Would You Like To Be Doing In Five Years?: Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now. 

Do You Certify That The Above Is True And Complete To The Best Of Your Knowledge?:

Do You Certify That The Above Is True And Complete To The Best Of Your Knowledge?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

Sign Here:

Sign Here: Scorpio with Libra rising.