His First Date Is Going Horrendously Wrong, So His Friends Filled It With Hilarity

This story is absolute gold.

Theoretically, I could just post the 16 pictures and gifs that make up the legendary tale of a hero’s date gone wrong and wash my hands of further responsibility. But I want to walk you through these events as a self-declared critic of fine art and live theater. Join me, if you will, in reliving one of the internet’s finest quality date fails.

1. Nando’s Chicken.

Alright, buckle in, folks. This is going to be fun. We begin with the first text. The unnamed perpetrator of the events, henceforth to be called Hero, begins by telling his football friends that he’s going out with “that girl from Saturday.” Unfortunately for that girl, she’s being treated to Nando’s. For the uninitiated, Nando’s is basically a posh Popeye’s Chicken. They give you napkins, sell cheap beer and sit you down in a booth. Fancy.

2. The Titanic.

The initial point of contact. Titanic, meet iceberg. Two things concern audiences about this photo. First, she put down a chicken leg to pick up her phone. Second, our hero was able to snap a picture of his date, her face alight with the soft blue hues of her phone, and she didn’t even notice.

3. Should I stay or should I go now?

Act three is a bit of a filler in the story whereby our hero mulls the ever-so-important question: should I stay or should I go now? Thankfully for the audience, Hero decides to stay. Now we wait in suspense and Hero tries to break her gaze from her handheld bug light. For this, he takes this relatively controlled burn and applies a tiny bit of gasoline to it.

4. Watch this.

“Watch this,” and “hold my beer,” are two phrases in the male repertoire that are almost exclusively followed by jaw-dropping stupidity or hilarity…or both at the same time. Don’t worry, the video itself is on the next page.